When it’s not working…

wrongchoicesrightplaces I’ve been doing this yo-yo, non committed, blame it all on the hormones, screw the weekends approach to eating. It’s not working. It’s not working so well that I’ve lost and gained the same 10 pounds for 5 months now. It’s not working so well that every weekend becomes “I’ll start on Monday” over and over again. My focus and dedication to weight loss transitioned to a focus and dedication to fertility and getting pregnant. (Whomp whomp – another month out – more to come on that later.) I am moving my focus back to being healthy. The truth of the matter is, Kevin and I got pregnant the first month off birth control when I weighed 40lbs less and was incredibly healthy/active.

scale halftrainingpic So, it happened. I bought a new scale. I have a ton of mixed emotions on it, but the truth of the matter is, the accountability is what kept my weight off. The second I stopped weighing in daily is the second I started gaining weight. I have given Kevin permission to take the scale if I ever try to take it on vacation (more to come on that too) or he finds me spending unusual amounts of time in the bathroom screaming obscenities. I also had to promise not to destroy it this time. I don’t physically feel healthy right now. I am finally feeling mentally strong so it’d be nice if I started to physically, as well. I am working on accepting that just because I’m not exercising 2 hours a day doesn’t mean it’s a waste of time. I even went for a short run yesterday. I mean, that half marathon isn’t going to run itself so I guess I better start training again… Maybe buying the scale was the wrong choice, but I’m hoping it leads me to the right place.

On the “More to come on that later”…

So, we’re out again this month. They’re switching me from the Clomid to Femera and hoping that works better. We’re still doing the Pregnyl Trigger Shot this month, and hoping there’s no more Vasovagal responses. But wait, I thought y’all were taking time off???? Well, we were going to, but we found out that my insurance is going up significantly in January. So, we decided to keep trying til the end of the year and then take some time off. It’s not cheap, so we might as well save the money where we can. I’ve heard the Femera doesn’t have as many side effects as the Clomid, so I’m looking forward to that.

And the vacation? Kevin and I are taking a long weekend at the beach next weekend (Fri-Mon). We are both stressed to the max with everything and looking forward to some time away to just enjoy each other and celebrate being together for ten years (married for four years). I still love him to the moon and back after all this time. But seriously, 10 YEARS? Whoa…


2 thoughts on “When it’s not working…

  1. FWIW, I find that for me I really have to weigh pretty much every day or it is just like sticking my head in the sand and I make no progress.

    I’ve gotten to where the ups and downs that are natural on a scale don’t really craze me as much as they used to. Not perfect, but a lot better than it used to be. I sort of get inured to the daily fluctuation.

    But I have to weigh daily just to keep my head where it needs to be for weight loss.

  2. When I was losing weight(I was down 30lbs at one time…haven’t been losing weight in a while) I only weighed in once a week. It was better then every day because I would actually see a difference. Like 4lbs in one week instead of seeing the fluctuation each day of gaining and losing it was a more consistent for me. Hoping for the best for you!!!

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