I don’t know that I have. It’s been that mindset for a very very long time. Guys, I don’t really know what the hell I’m doing, but I do know one thing – I’m over “dieting.” So, in the words of Usher, these are my confessions…
“Oh girl, it’s a lifestyle change. That’s your problem. You’re not treating it like that.” To which I think, “Bitch, I know this!” God do I know this, but it’s still a “dieting” mindset, y’all. It doesn’t matter what program I do – I still obsessively think about calories, points, high carb, low carb, low fat, high fat… I dream about this shit. I’m exhausted from it. Straight up exhausted.
“What happened to listening to your body, you little chubby bunny, you?” To Which I think, “Oh lawd, I don’t know how anymore!” I don’t eat when I’m hungry – I eat when I “think” I should eat because that’s what dieting dictates, right? I made my eating schedule much like a tri training schedule: regimented and set. This is what happens when I have body cues:
9:30am: Stomach growling? STFU STOMACH – IT’S NOT TIME TO EAT. Wait until 10am! growlgrowlgrowl
12pm: Not hungry? STFU BRAIN – IT’S TIME TO EAT. nomnomnom
Eat 6 small meals a day; eat 3 bigger meals a day; eat like a King for breakfast, a Prince for lunch and a popper for dinner. I feel like after years of “dieting” I don’t even know the true hunger cues anymore.
I don’t want my kids to have this crazy, unhealthy, obsessive relationship with food that I have. I don’t want my kids to see mommy counting calories or being a nut job.
I read the 10 Principles of Intuitive Eating in depth and thought to myself, “I want all of this. Yes.”
The Ten Principles of Intuitive Eating
1. Reject the Diet Mentality
2. Honor Your Hunger
3. Make Peace with Food
4. Challenge the Food Police
5. Respect your Fullness
6. Discover your Satisfaction Factor
7. Honor your Feelings Without Food
8. Respect Your Body
10. Honor Your Health
All of the above, amen. Yes, please. Get it girl, get it.
I want to start listening to my body. I want to eat when I’m physically hungry, not because think it’s time.
I want to stop associating “good and bad” with food. If I have one more “last supper” because I will never again eat this forsaken food I might snap…that is until the next binge and break.
I want to eat what sounds good and what my body asks for. I actually like fish and kale and fresh fruits and veggies.
I want to stop eating when I’m full – because guess what? There will be more chances to eat this item.
I want to trash the scale and stop letting the stupid number define me. I want to run and be active because it makes me feel good, mentally and physically – not because I want to lose weight and I feel like I have to.
Ultimately, I just want to be at peace with food and no so damn hard on myself. Healthy and happy. That starts today. And you know what? I might gain a few pounds, I might lose a few pounds, but I’ve got to figure this out. Tomorrow I leave for LA for 5 days, I’d like to go and not feel guilty or bad.
So, it’s 11:24am and guess what? I’m having lunch: a big tuna salad – because it sounds good.
I guess one could say I’m officially living the thug life…