I was nervous, I won’t lie. For so long our society has taught women that big is not beautiful. Our society has told women that if you’re heavy you need to cover up, get surgery, lose weight, stop being you. Fat skin is not desired skin. It doesn’t matter how far you’ve come, how much you’ve lost, your story, your journey, your fight – if you are not the ideal body, for God’s sake, please put it away – no one wants to see that! I’ve worn nothing but swimskorts and tankinis to cover as much of me up as possible. Fuck it. I’ve worked too damn hard to be ashamed of my beautiful, perfectly flawed body my entire life. I’ve never owned a bikini or even tried one on. My skin is not tight, nor will it ever be. I’ve yo-yo’d and lost over 125lbs. I should be praising my body for completing 5ks, 10ks, triathlons and bike rides that go over 40 miles. I should be worshipping this body for all it has done and all it will do, not be embarrassed by it.
As my IG and FB followers know, I bought a fatkini for myself.
I started at Lane Bryant where I was incredibly disappointed and angry that they only carried a high-waisted bottom in store. Not a single bikini top. No worries though – if you want to cover up they have plenty of those swim tops. I mean, seriously? I wrote their corporate office a letter:
I wanted to take a quick moment and let you know how disappointed I was that your Perimeter Mall location in Georgia doesn’t carry bikini (Fatkini) tops in store.
Let me explain, I never thought in a million years I’d wear or even own a bikini. I never thought that even at my ideal weight I had the “right” body to wear a bikini. I went on vacation to the beach last week and there were tons of bigger girls wearing Fatkinis. This morning I still couldn’t stop thinking about all of these confident women wearing Fatkinis at the beach. I realized that I’ve worked too hard to feel ashamed or silly about what other people might think. I’ve lost 125lbs through diet and exercise and I refuse to hide my amazing, perfectly flawed body anymore.
Today I bought my first Fatkini – but unfortunately I was not able to buy it from Lane Bryant. That was the first place I went – it’s typically the first place I always go. For a long time it was my only option. I looked online and saw some awesome styles (specifically the geometric balconette bikini top) and really wanted to try it on since this was something I’ve never done before. I bought the last high-waisted (size 14) bottom from LB, but unfortunately, I had to go to Forever 21 and buy a poorly made with little to no support in the cup Fatkini all the way over at Lenox Mall.
I know I can order it online and try it on in the store, but that doesn’t work for me.
It was just disappointing that after Gabby Fresh came out with the Fatkini line last summer and it sold out after hours of being available, Forever 21 is carrying them, as well as several other Plus Size stores – Lane Bryant still isn’t carrying Fatkinis in store a full year later. There is obviously a demand for the Fatkini – please keep LB trendy.
Fat girls want to look cute too. Please help us!!!
So, after standing in the fitting room for a solid 30 minutes, dressed in my new fatkini, the sales associate knocking and asking me if I need help, the fear in my throat – I opened the door and her response was, “I love it.”
And the truth of the matter was, I did too. It’s not a ton of skin, but it’s still out of my comfort zone. I can wear the top two different ways and I bought another bottom that comes down lower, but I’m currently content and (now) comfortable with this one. I have the option to show more if I want. I laid by the pool on Saturday and flaunted my new purchase with nothing but rave reviews.