I’m a terrible mom already. You are also a terrible mom. And to the mom reading this that thinks it doesn’t apply to her, nope, you are not exempt ma’am, you are also a terrible mom. Let me tell you why…
If your style of parenting/pregnancy is different that someone else’s you’re a terrible mom. Apparently this is a thing. There’s really no getting around it.
My birth plan includes an unmedicated labor and delivery. 99% of people that know this think I’m crazy, endangering my baby, or just plain dumb. I’ve had someone say to me, “Well, I’m no hero.” and I’ve also had someone tell me I’m being “selfish” for it. I often get, “You know they make drugs for that, right? We don’t live in the stone ages anymore.” VERY few people take the time to ask why from a genuine place of wanting to truly know. Because the truth of the matter is I’m no hero either. My body is just super weird when it comes to drugs and I’m the person that always has some bizarre side effect (seizures with birth control, I had a headache for months after a spinal tap, random uncontrollably itchy hives from most medicines, I’m hyped up, crunk on any sedative, etc.). To me, I’d rather get through the pain than risk some funky side effect for me and/or the baby. Now, all the mother’s that have previously had successful unmedicated births tell me it’s the best experience of their life and mothers getting drugs are selfish. So, I’m a terrible mom for going the natural unmedicated route, but no worries, apparently you’re also a terrible mom if you’re medicated or having a c-section.
My goal is to exclusively breastfeed for at least 3 months before introducing bottles and then do baby led weaning with all real food. This also makes me a terrible mother. “Formula is just as good.” “Breast feeding is too hard.” “I bottle fed my baby right away and we still bonded just fine.” “I tried making my own baby food and that shit took too much time.” Terrible mom? Check.
I’m also going to avoid pacifiers until she’s latching well and my milk supply is steady. Breast feeding is incredibly difficult (most women will agree on that, but surely there is some outlier that will tell us we’re all just doing it wrong.) Waiting at all is apparently also dumb, but I don’t want her to have any nipple confusion or stunt my supply. No worries though, depending on who you ask, nipple confusion and milk supply issues are not a real thing. More terrible mom points for me.
We are using disposable diapers, which clearly means I hate Mother Earth and want my baby’s ass to rot off with diaper rash. Another point toward being a terrible mother.
I’m cutting my hours to 20 and she’ll be going to day care for 2 days a week while I work from home, which means I get double points here. I’m a terrible mom for not staying home 24/7 to devote everything to her AND I’m a terrible mom for not working full time and putting her in day care 5 days a week; she’s going to be spoiled and unsocialized now. Double terrible mom points!
I also plan on doing a lot of baby wearing. Also found to be dumb and hippy like. Apparently my baby will be too attached and never learn to walk if I wear her. I think you get triple terrible mom points when you’re considered “too granola/hippy”.
The crazy part to me is that if I were the opposite of everything above the people that are doing this would tell me how awful I am for not doing it their way.
Can we agree that as mothers, first time mothers all the way to tenth times mothers, are doing the best we can with the information we have?
So many people say their second child is just better natured, more laid back, easier to deal with, (on and on) than their first. Is it really that your second kid is that much more laid back or is that you’ve grown and evolved as a parent? That the things that ruffled you with the first really weren’t that important or that big of a deal? We learn. We grow. We evolve. We are not flawless. We are far from perfect.
Ultimately, I want her to be more than I am. I want her to be better than me. Truth be told, I think that’s every parents destination and we just have a different path of getting there. Your way might be faster or smoother, but maybe that’s because you’ve driven it for 6 years. I’ll learn the short cuts but if I don’t, so what? I’ll eventually get there.
Just remember, that eventually all of us terrible moms will get there.