I’ve always talked about writing a fatty girl blog and I’ve never done it. I guess now is as good of a time as ever. So, what is fattitude? To sum it up, me: being unapologetically fat. I’ve never taken anyone’s shit about it and I’ve always maintained a strong sense of self and a high level of confidence (….until now. But, we’ll get back to that.) I have never had a problem getting a man, I’ve never had problem loving myself. I’ve never had an emotional issue with my size. I just honestly wanted to get healthy for my future, for my children, for my husband. (Getting back to my recent body issues….I don’t know this body and quite frankly, sometimes it really weirds me out. I still go to a size 24 dress even though I’m a 14. How can I embrace losing more when I cant embrace what I’ve lost? Note to self: explore that topic more in depth when feeling extremely philosophic and deep.) I like food. Correction, I like quality, well prepared food. I like butter, not margarine. I like cheese, not this reduced fat, separates when you melt it crap. I like cream, not fat free half and half, (which, by the way, is clearly just water with some white dye in it.) The only diet thing I do and enjoy is Coke Zero. So, this is my battle of trying to find a common ground between flavor and fitness. A lifestyle for me, because dieting doesn’t do it.
I’ve lost 106lbs…which at the end of the day is a lot, but damn, it feels like nothing. I never actually wanted it until now. And it’s a constant battle. A battle filled with fears and doubts and insecurities. A battle filled with things I’ve never had to face with a body this size, like riding a roller coaster and knowing I’ll fit. (Former Fatty problem #413.) A battle that is still 69lbs away from calling a truce, but always remaining on unchartered territory.
I watched a TV show featuring triathletes and thought it’d be a fantasticidea to sign up for a super sprint triathlon. WHAT WAS I THINKING? My big old 218lb ass trying to do a tri. HAHA! Anyhow, I’m signed up. I’m registered. I’m paid. I’m training. Shit, I’m training. It’s real now. It’s 88 days away. And top it all off, after registering and paying $62 for this triathlon, in the same sitting, thought it’d also be brilliant to register for not only four other 5ks, but also a 10k. At least this is good motivation to keep exercising…..right? I read an article on a woman that completed the Ironman Competition (get ready for it…. that’s a 2.4 mile swim, 112mile bike ride and then a full 26.2 marathon) in 1st place, not once, not twice, but four times. Yes, fourtimes. Wrap your mind around that. Anyhow, she said one of her things is to write her mantra on her arm during the Tri so she can remember it. I’m trying to come up with my mantra. So far, all I have is, “For tonight’s glass of whiskey.” For some odd reason I fear no one will appreciate it.
So, raise whatever you’re drinking and here’s to finding confidence in my weight loss and dropping the next 69lbs.