I Still Hate Hills

In case y’all forgot, I hate hills. I’ve always hated hills. Not much has changed.

I hung out with my Runner Mom (RM) friend, Angelina today. We spoke earlier in the week and she suggested we take a walk if the weather was nice. The weather was nice.  I wore my fancy new running shoes, because motivation, right?

420px-Trango_Towers_2What she did not tell me was that she lived in the Trango Towers subdivision. Holy shit. HILLS FOR DAYS – and apparently we didn’t even go the super hilly way. Which is probably for the best because I don’t believe they send SAG Wagons for neighborhood walks.

There is nothing more motivating to get fit again than someone asking you how C25K is going while you’re crawling up a hill, trying to catch your breath. I believe the conversation went something like this:

RM: How’s C25K going?

Me: *pant* It’s not. *gasp* I have no motivation to bundle Monster up and get out there.

And it’s not going. I haven’t run since then. Ugh. I have SO many reasons excuses for not having run. The main one being that it’s a lot of fucking work with a baby. Like a lot of work.

This is how running goes for kidless people:

  • Pick out cute running attire
  • Lace up cute running shoes
  • Go for  a run

This is how it goes for moms:

  • Rummage through old cute running attire
  • Try to stuff all of your new floppy mom skin into your old compression tights
  • Lose feeling in legs
  • Change into maternity leggings (they kinda look athletic, right?)
  • Determine your bra already smells like sour milk so you might as well not dirty a new one
  • Throw on a dirty shirt
  • Bundle Baby up
  • Strap Baby into carrier,
  • Try to figure out if Baby is screaming because she’s in the carrier or for some other reason
  • Awkwardly get 45lb jogging stroller out
  • Put carrier into stroller
  • Try to calm said screaming Baby
  • Determine Baby has a wet diaper
  • Get carrier out of stroller
  • Remove Baby from the carrier
  • Unbundle Baby
  • Change Baby
  • Calm Baby
  • Rebundle Baby
  • Strap Baby back into carrier
  • Get carrier back into the stroller
  • Look at watch and realize Baby will want to eat in approximately 5 minutes
  • Say fuck it
  • Skip run/walk


Anyhow, I was shocked when RunnerMom told me we’d only gone ome mile. I was seriously struggling and sweating like a whore in church.

I sweat. I sweat just thinking about sweat. Which is always so awkward and uncomfortable. I looked like I had just stepped out of the shower. I was losing layers of clothing and watching the sweat just drip down my chest. It’s perfectly acceptable to sweat like this after a fantastic spin class, it’s a little weird when it’s after you’ve just walked one friggin mile in a brisk 50 degree weather.


workoutdvdsI pulled all of these out yesterday, as I do realize that I NEED to be active for my own mental health. It’s my therapy. It’s my anti depressant. I need to find a DVD player to put in the spare room so I can put Brooke on her play mat and do work. This seems like it should be somewhat easier than trying to get the whole stroller together. At least until she’s a little older, or the weather is a little nicer…or I stop making excuses.

It’s not running and it’s not cycling and it’s not outside, but it’s something. And I need to accept that something is better than nothing…because panting up a hill isn’t my cup of tea anymore. I’m not that chick that gets easily winded from walking up a hill anymore and I refuse to be her again. So, Jillian Michaels, I hate you, but I will start letting you yell at me again.

Alas, my near death experience climbing the hills in RunnerMom’s neighborhood was well worth with it as I had the experience I think I’ve been needing to remind myself that my chubby bunny ass needs to move more…and not to mention, there’s nothing better than watching these two little cuties hang out.


4 thoughts on “I Still Hate Hills

  1. Omg, this was hysterical! And so true. I had a lot of trouble getting out with the baby at first. You can do it though! It just takes practice like anything else. Keep up the blogs! You’re a great writer 😊

  2. “You don’t get this for free people… If you’re looking for an option for Jumping Jacks, well, I’m not going to give it to you. I have 400 lb people that can do jumping jacks, you can do this… You gotta work the little muscles in with the big muscles… I want you to feel like you’re going to die!” I love the 30 Day Shred – it’s been a couple of years since I last did it, but I still know all of Jillian’s lines!

    Do you have a turbo trainer? That would give you another option for working out at home 🙂

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