Damn girl, that's a lot of fattitude

I almost hate hills as much as I hate running…maybe more – it’s a toss up. I hate everything about hills – especially the way my boobs take on a life of their own. I digress, I’m doing the “Up The Creek Without a Pedal” ride tomorrow. It’s 45 miles. I was assured by Kevin and his Uncle that is riding with us that there were hills, but nothing serious. Today, in preparation for tomorrow, I decided to look up said event, mostly to see what the T-shirt looks like…because let’s face it – it’s the only reason people do this crazy kind of shit. It has to be, right? Anyhow, upon looking for what I imagine to be a glorious T-shirt made of pure gold since it’s a 45 mile ride not in a car, I read a couple of glaring sentences that did not settle well with me :

… has about 4-5 moderate hills and mostly rolling terrain.

The hills will be tiring, if you have not trained adequately.

Yeah, sure – I’ve been training for this. Yeah, sure – I’ve been riding 35-40 miles at a time. Yeah, sure – there are some small hills. Nothing I’d describe as moderate, because look – when a cycling group says moderate what they actually mean is a straight up.  No one says steep because steep hills are just something you can’t ride, and moderate hills just ruin your life. Small hills – like the ones I’ve trained on are normal person hills that are annoying, but you feel good when you’re at the top, like “Oh, hey! I’m awesome, I accomplished something.” not “Fuck my life. I’m never doing this again. I hate riding my bike.” and then you break down crying and demand someone come pick you up. These “moderate” hills may leave me crying, in a heap, demanding someone bring me bourbon and a life flight helicopter.

But…I’m signed up…and tomorrow I will ride.