I almost hate hills as much as I hate running…maybe more – it’s a toss up. I hate everything about hills – especially the way my boobs take on a life of their own. I digress, I’m doing the “Up The Creek Without a Pedal” ride tomorrow. It’s 45 miles. I was assured by Kevin and his Uncle that is riding with us that there were hills, but nothing serious. Today, in preparation for tomorrow, I decided to look up said event, mostly to see what the T-shirt looks like…because let’s face it – it’s the only reason people do this crazy kind of shit. It has to be, right? Anyhow, upon looking for what I imagine to be a glorious T-shirt made of pure gold since it’s a 45 mile ride not in a car, I read a couple of glaring sentences that did not settle well with me :
… has about 4-5 moderate hills and mostly rolling terrain.
The hills will be tiring, if you have not trained adequately.
Yeah, sure – I’ve been training for this. Yeah, sure – I’ve been riding 35-40 miles at a time. Yeah, sure – there are some small hills. Nothing I’d describe as moderate, because look – when a cycling group says moderate what they actually mean is a straight up. No one says steep because steep hills are just something you can’t ride, and moderate hills just ruin your life. Small hills – like the ones I’ve trained on are normal person hills that are annoying, but you feel good when you’re at the top, like “Oh, hey! I’m awesome, I accomplished something.” not “Fuck my life. I’m never doing this again. I hate riding my bike.” and then you break down crying and demand someone come pick you up. These “moderate” hills may leave me crying, in a heap, demanding someone bring me bourbon and a life flight helicopter.
But…I’m signed up…and tomorrow I will ride.
Good luck! We do a 5k make a wish walk/run every year in Marietta and it has a few hills that really suck. I keep saying I won’t be doing it next year but I keep signing up. Guess we love the torture.
Good luck! I hope you have a great time. That is something to be really proud of!!
Good luck! I just love the euphemisms that are used in sport… we all know that if a run route is described as ‘undulating’ it means that there are more hills than you thought possible; likewise ‘gentle incline’ means ‘bring your crampons’!
I feel your pain, been there, no more. Thanks for the belly laugh.
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