Damn girl, that's a lot of fattitude

Here we are, wrapping up 2014. What a whirlwind of a year.

2014 sucked. 2014 sucked a big fat donkey dick. When I think about 2014 I think of my Grandmother passing away, infertility and miscarriages, gaining 50lbs, and battling depression. It’s SO easy to get lost in that. It’s too easy to get lost in that. It weighs you down. You forget about all the good, like the fact that we welcomed a beautiful niece into our family, we both have good jobs and have excelled professionally this year, we travelled to Chattanooga, Panama City Beach, Brooklyn and Athens for mini vacations, I bought my first fatkini, etc. Well, Kevin and I are choosing “good” for 2015.  It’s easy to forget how fortunate we are with the weight of the bad. Truth be told, I cannot control the future. I cannot change what has happened. But, I can change how I handle it. How we choose to drop the dead weight and lift each other up with the good. We have a new little spot on the counter. The red pig is for all the loose change we accumulate and the silver pig is a vacation fund.  Kevin came up with the brilliant idea of the mason jar, the most important one. This year we will write down all of the good things that happen. And then, this time, next year, we will sit down together and read them. We are choosing good for 2015. We will no longer let ourselves be weighed down by the bad.

And then the resolutions. What are they? I’m choosing SMART (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic and Time-bound) MONTHLY goals this year. I am NOT choosing a specific number on the scale to see every week. I am choosing to set goals that will create a healthier (physically and mentally) and happier human being. Each month I will take on a new goal with the hopes of continuing the previous months. Ultimately, by December, I will be back to my early 2013 self. The strong, dedicated, healthy, happy woman I was.

So, here is my confession, I stopped taking care of myself. I guess that’s not really a confession. Y’all have been reading the writing on the wall for months now and are probably like, “IT’S ABOUT DAMN TIME YOU REALIZED.”  I stopped doing my hair and makeup every morning, which led to a lowered sense of self care, which led to a drop in my confidence, which led to a woman that was unmotivated. This January, I will maintain an AM/PM beauty regiment that involves actually washing my face, putting on makeup and taking it off. Shallow? Sure, but it feels good to take care of yourself.

In Feb, in addition to my AM/PM beauty regiment, I will actually start using the trainer in my bedroom and spin 3 times a week. And then in March, I will focus on more whole foods and healthier choices. Each month I will rebuild a little piece of the woman I once was. I know December’s seems counter intuitive, but honestly, it’s the most important one to me. The Holidays are extremely difficult for an eater like me. Sweet Jesus, bourbon, toffee, breads, cheeses, dips, social events, etc. I gain and gain at the Holidays. I will give myself permission to gain 5 pounds, and ONLY 5 pounds. Not 20…

So, none of these are baby driven, but I also wasn’t baby driven in 2013, and I was a hell of a lot happier then. I just want to be happy again. I want to be the woman that focused on the good again.