Damn girl, that's a lot of fattitude

Y’all, since last Thursday it’s been hell for us. Let me explain…

I came home from work on Thursday and thought the house smelled like crap. I attributed it to the cats using the litter box. Friday – same thing. Saturday morning I went to Target and bought all of the Febreze and bleach ever. I came home and went to work. I spent two or three hours cleaning like a lunatic and still couldn’t shake the scent. Kevin asked if I had checked in the basement. No, wtf would be in the basement? I think that MAYBE something managed to climb inside and die. Maybe. So, I go down there and just start screaming EMERGENCY!!!! Kevin comes running down to the basement to see a sea of toilet paper, feces, and garbage disposal remnants floating in about 1/8-1/4 an inch of sewer water. I am losing my mind at this point. I have a stomach of steel but I’m still gagging. We thought maybe we’d had a pipe freeze because of the Polar Vortex and Atlanta not being able to handle 8 degree weather. We call a plumber and the earliest they can come is the next day…because everyone’s pipes have frozen. The come and discover that there is no frozen pipe – just shitty timing… the previous home owner’s 3yr old flushed a pair of pantyhose down the toilet and it has been clogging the line ever since. Y’all, we have lived in that house for 6 months – which means that it’s AT LEAST 6 months of back up. -insert vomit- Oh sweet Jesus. All of the Sewage Cleaning Companies are booked, as well. I insisted that Kevin repeatedly call the company that is suppose to come, in hopes they come sooner rather than later. They show up at about 8:45PM on Sunday and leave probably close to 11pm. They completed phase 1 of God only knows how many, and it will probably still never be enough. They left some “air scrubber” running that sounds like a jet about to take off and smells like the old school super abrasive chemicals used in medical environments. So, then the house smelled like a pile of shit covered in chemicals that had been baking in the hot Arizona sun. They are suppose to come back at some point this week and treat the wood, pressure clean the concrete, etc. etc. I’m not in a good place. I just keep telling Kevin the house will never be clean again. He’s been a God send and stopped me from putting the damn thing on the market and getting out.

Which leads me to the next segment. I have learned that when I’m stressed I want control. The easiest place to find control is with my weight. So, instead of dealing with the stress I find something to micromanage. I had the internal battle of finding something else to do vs. weighing in and changing gears. Weighing in would undo all of the hard work I’ve put into Intuitive Eating. So, I tried a few different things. I downloaded the Welly app that syncs with my Fitbit Force because then I’ve got some little space creature I can micromanage. Unfortunately, Welly is a dick. He is always emo and clearly hates me. Seriously – look at him:

The one time I wasn’t bothering him and went to check in on him he was skipping rope. Happy as hell I wasn’t bothering him, I guess. WTF, Welly?

So much fury. So, I realize that Welly isn’t exactly helping with my stress either. I try a myriad of other things from the gun range to a bubble bath. I mean seriously – the damn bottle says “stress relief.” Neither do the trick.

So, then I have the internal battle in my brain:

Angel: You haven’t binged this week despite the stress and you feel pretty good.

Devil: It’s just water weight, chubby bunny.

Angel: Enough is enough, Danielle. Your rings are loose again, your jeans aren’t sawing you in half, you can see the difference in the mirror – let that be enough.

Devil: Then you shouldn’t have anything to fear on the scale, chubby bunny.

Well played, Devil, well played. So – I march up the scale only to find my judgey cat:

It wasn’t meant to be. I still haven’t weighed in.

But I have baked these: Copycat Chocolate Brownie VitaMuffins. And they are delish. 28 calories for the bare essentials or be like me – make the 65 calories full flavor version!