Damn girl, that's a lot of fattitude

4 cup broth made with (s) Chicken base
1/2 Tbsp REAL butter
1 onion (use however much you onion YOU personally like)
2 clove(s) (medium) garlic clove(s), minced
1/2 pound (about 3 [3oz] small tails) shelled lobster meat
1/8 tsp black pepper, freshly ground
2/3 cup(s) uncooked Rice Select Arboria Risotto Rice
1/2 cup(s) white wine
2 Tbsp fat-free half-and-half

Sometimes I’m just a fancy bitch, what can I say? Bahahaha! It’s really not hard or fancy. It just takes stirring. Anyhow, I hyperlinked to my personal choice of products in amazon. I tend to find it cheaper/more bulk (think Sam’s) there.

Let’s get started!

Get your 4 cups of broth going in a pot. You want to bring it to a simmer and keep it hot. (*If you’re budget conscience consider using Chicken base. It’s a little under $10 but will last you a lifetime (you only use 1tsp per 8oz of water) and is a way better quality, in my opinion. You can also determine how much you want to use and if you want stock or broth [unlike premade box/can broth.] Anyhow, I digress…)

Sharpen your knives, for God’s sake people and then dice yo onion and mince yo garlic. Then throw that butter in your medium/medium-high pan.

Get your onion/garlic in. Here’s a trick though – keep your onion on the bottom and your garlic on top at first. We aren’t using a ton of butter so it’s more likely things will stick/burn if you aren’t careful. Burnt garlic has no place in this world. If you put your onion on the bottom and let it warm up while cooling your pan a titch you’ll lower your risk of burning your garlic. Give it a stir and INHALE deeply in about 30 seconds. Take it in baby, that’s flavor in your nose.

While all of this goodness is happening you’ll want to prep your lobster tails. It can feel a little overwhelming, but it’s really not. All you need is a good pair of kitchen shears. Ok, shall we conduct surgery now? We shall!

Get in there and cut down the back of the shelf. Flip that baby over and cut down the center. Then carefully take your insides out, rinse and chop! Alright, you should be good and brown now. Don’t forget to stir while you’re working on your lobster. Then throw your rice in. Oh hai you sexy little ricey babies. Stir and toast it until it looks like the picture on the rice. You want it to be slightly translucent on the outside. Look at those mad close up skills!

Next is the only tedious part of making risotto. Stirring. Dump your wine in the onions/garlic and let it burn off for a second to get rid of all the booze in it. Feel free to grab a glass and pour yourself some wine, too. Once that wine is gone you’ll add one half cup (aprox 1 ladle full) of broth. Once the broth hits the pan you want to stir stir and stir some more until nearly all of the liquid is absorbed. Once absorbed, add more. It’ll take about 20 or so minutes, give or take a few to do this. Consider this your arm workout. All this stirring is breaking down the starch in the risotto and giving you this creamy, decadent texture. You don’t want clumps, you don’t want hard rice, you don’t want soup. You want thick, creamy, hot flowing risotto. Oh dear god, I want it all now.

Ok, now what? Keep stirring. In about 18-22 or so minutes your risotto will be pretty much cooked and your broth all gone. Take a bite and check. Try not to eat it all. Throw in some salt and pepper if you’re into that sort of thing. Don’t forget that lobster you spent time slaving away on to get out of the shell. Dumb it in and guess what? Stir. It’ll go from translucent to white. Ok, so now that we’ve got cooked lobster and cooked risotto we need to stop it from cooking. No one wants mushy risotto. I have little patience for burnt garlic and mushy risotto.
Get in there and dump some cream in it. Action shot! PS.That is a 2 tablespoon measuring spoon. If you don’t have an Odd-Size Measuring Spoon Set you should hop on that band wagon. These things are awesome for people terrible at math like me. (Honey child, please get your nails done today. Lord Jesus.) If you want to live dangerously go ahead and throw a pinch of parmesan on. It doesnt actually do anything, aside from make me feel like I’m breaking the laws of Weight Watchers. Mind games, I tell you. Guess what guys? Stir some more. I swear the torture is almost over! Because now you can go on and split this into two and dig in. I threw a bag of veggies in the microwave to steam and serve with! Voila! You just made some fancy ass risotto! As a FYI – I could only eat half. Kevin could only eat half and now I have lunch. It was super rich and delicious, and not to mention a huge portion.