An Emo Kind of Illness

I didn’t dare go to the gym since I can’t stop coughing today and I fear I may actually die. This is where my problem comes in though. I feel like a “quitter” when I don’t go and I hate that feeling. I usually end up forcing myself to go, get sicker and then stop going period. This time I’m trying to force myself to take care of my body, listen to my body and just make better food choices until I feel up to pushing myself again… which is hard when I weighed in +5lbs today….WTF? It makes me want to say, “Why bother?” I didn’t eat differently yesterday and I exercised. It’s illogical, but I’m certain it’s because I’m sick or something. My body is reacting poorly. Regardless, that doesn’t make it any less frustrating. Perhaps that’s what I get for weighing in on a daily basis and not weekly. The bulk of carbs probably didnt help over the weekend either.

I can’t quit. I won’t let this deter me. I won’t keep playing this stupid round and round game with myself.

I do apologize. I get relatively emo when I’m feeling under the weather.

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