I’m quiet because I’m still scared, honestly. I really, REALLY want to believe and know that everything is fine and this is a healthy, normal pregnancy, but it’s so hard. I’m 10 weeks tomorrow.
My insanity has no logic. I have all the symptoms and ultrasounds and heartbeats to prove that this is healthy, but I still struggle.
I have morning, noon and night nausea with vomiting thrown in if I eat red sauce, coffee or cottage cheese. Because if it lets up for more than an hour I’m convinced something is wrong. My OB says it should start to let up soon as I’m wrapping up the first trimester so Kevin keeps reminding me that the nausea will fade and I need to remember everything is okay despite it not being there.
I broke down crying when I watched the video of this 11 year old redoing Big Sean’s IDFWU video…because it was just so beautiful…and what if our daughter has mad skillz like that one day? What if? Just so beautiful…
We went in for our “Peace of Mind” Ultrasound last week and it was amazing! I mean, I was wreck the whole time, but aside from that, amazing. I’m measuring a day ahead even! The babies heartbeat was 158, and my Dr told me anything between 150 and 170 was perfect. He used words like, “Textbook” and “Million Dollars” to describe it all. Still – that doubt creeps in and I find myself beating it down.
We have our next appointment on May 19th. It’s our first trimester screen and they’ll test for any chromosomal problems. I’m really hoping that once we’re through that one I’ll be able to calm down some.
Side Note – because everything can’t be all gloomy:
I went to Motherhood Maternity last week because I’ve grown a full two cup sizes already. I’m currently wearing bras that leave terrible indentation lines that look as though my boobs have been held captive by some torture device.
I thumbed through their bras and found myself staring at a 40F thinking, “Surely this will fit.”
I get it on and get situated and my cup runneth over…badly.
The woman working there knocked at the door, “Ma’am, do you need any help?”
Me being me asked, “Do you go bigger than a 40F?”
“We have a 42F, let’s try that. I’ll get it for you.”
*puts new 42F on – the band is way too big and I have two boobs: the one inside the bra and the one outside of it.*
“Uhhh…what about a 40G?”
“Let me see.”
I open the door and all I hear her say is, “Bless your heart. You’re going to need to order something real special for those.”
It’s true. I called around. No one sells anything higher than a 40F in store. I’ve ordered a couple of 40Gs from amazon. I just don’t get it…they don’t even look that big…
Here are my growing belly pics!