Half Marathon Jitters

Petrified is an understatement.

As I was falling asleep last night I sat up and looked at Kevin and said, “I should have done a 10k race before. Then I’d be more prepared.” Why? I have no idea. I’ve run nearly double the distance of a 10k during training, but for some reason I’m petrified.

Kevin told me not to do it if I didn’t feel comfortable. Our conversation went something like this:

Me: WHAT?! Not doing it is NOT an option, Kevin. I will finish. I was cross that finish line even if I have to crawl. I will drag my lifeless, fat ass, army crawl style across the god damn line. Are you serious? Not do it? What is wrong with you? I trained for 10 weeks. I ran distances I didn’t think possible. I pushed myself further than I thought possible. I’ll finish the stupid thing. I can and will finish it. Even if I die. /outraged PMS response.

Kevin: Well, that’s the spirit! If you think like that you’ll be fine.

Me: Well, I’m scared.

Kevin: of?

Me: I don’t know. The after. My feet HURT after 11 miles. You should have seen me walking. I was dying, Kevin. DYING. I felt fine aside from my feet, but my feet HURT. So bad. Compression socks. I need compression socks.

Kevin: You need to do a run in them before race morning so you know what you’re getting into. I got terrible cramps the first time I ran with them.

Me: Fine. Tonight – we are buying compression socks and I will run with them.

So, tonight we buy compression socks.

I’m trying to figure out my deep seeded fear so that I can conquer it.

Some thoughts that I have running through my head:

Will there be any other fat runners? Doesn’t matter. Brush any and all haters off.

Will I finish last? It doesn’t matter, but if it did, the time to beat from last year is 24:38/min mile.

What if I can’t walk to the car after because I’m so exhausted/sore? Take an Uber.

I have answers to my questions.

falldownAnd as I write this, it suddenly makes sense.

I’m scared because I’m turning back into the woman I used to be.Β The athlete I used to be.

I’m on “eight” with a little nagging voice telling me I can’t do it again.

My challenge isn’t the other people running along side me. It’s myself. It’s the pain in the bottom of my feet and the little voice telling me I can’t do it. It’s learning to push harder, dig deeper, fight dirty with myself. It’s changing the “no” into “now” and taking off.

It’s about taking a chance on myself and remembering that the last 18 months do not define me as a person. It’s about remembering why I started. Remembering that it hasn’t gotten easier, I’ve just gotten better.

It’s crossing that finish line and believing in myself.Β 

15 thoughts on “Half Marathon Jitters

  1. Good luck! i’m sure you’ll do great! I hope you update on how it all went πŸ™‚

    Inspire people πŸ™‚

    xox Lo

  2. You got this πŸ™‚ I was a total mess before mine as well, this is a completely normal response and means you are ready. Being scared is good!

    Side point on compression socks, I personally don’t like running in them but they are a DREAM to put on after a run to help recovery. Socks on, feet up on the wall. heaven. Try it! I don’t know if they’ll help the sore feet, they don’t do a whole lot for your feet more for calves/shins. Sore feet is probably your shoes, nothing you can do about that now, but you might want to look at higher cushioning shoes if you’re currently in low/mid-line pair, you gotta go up to the top end shoes. The mid level shoes are made more for 10kers. Some people can get away with doing halves in them, others not. I run in the Asics Nimbus and they are like pillows they’re so chushy. Soooo worth the cost

  3. Yeah, I have fitted running shoes. I’m running in Saucony Omni 13s. They’re actually a men’s shoe. I need a wider toe box and the men’s shoe gives the toe box without changing the width of the shoe. From the reading I’ve done, I think I have Metatarsalgia pain. I’m taking a break from running after the half and focusing on weights and Zumba. I did buy my compression socks last night and I’m doing a short run in them today. We’ll see how it goes!

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  5. I have wider toes too, I find Saucony okay-ish in width, Asics are good, Brooks I find are the widest, I have the glycerin 11’s and there’s room to spare in those.

    Nike, Adidas and Mizuno are all absolute no’s. Can’t remember if I’ve ever tried New Balance or not, or how they felt if I did. I assume I have and if I can’t remember probably means I was okay with the width.

    Breaks after big races is totally legit. And congrats on finishing it! An amazing feat! Sucks the conditions were so bad!!

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