As I ran my 5 miles yesterday I thought about how much I hate running, I thought about how much I hate people that love running, I thought about how stupid running is, I yelled at every other runner I saw in my head…you get the drift.
I hate running. I absolutely hate running. I have a problem though, when I’m not good at something I don’t accept it. I will continue to suck at it until I feel like I’m half way decent. I will force myself to do something until I improve. It’s good in some aspects and terrible in others…like running.
All of the runners I know tell me that it’s a chance for them to “clear their mind.” I’m so angry when I’m running. Primarily at myself, but other things I’m usually angry at while running include other runners, the sun, the heat, my legs, my pace, hills, etc. Needless to say, I haven’t found a way to clear my mind and just run.
Some runners tell me it’s “all in my head.” That I am the reason I hate my life while running. What the fuck does that mean? I don’t get off on how much I dislike running.
I made a comment on my fatty forums about how I disliked C25K because of the 8 minute to 20 minute jump. I said that the 12 minute jump was physically too much for my body at the time and it made me discouraged. I can now run for 20 minutes straight, and while it’s not pretty, I can do it. Her response to me was that the reason I couldn’t do the 8 to 20 minute jump when it was time was because I was in my own head and didn’t believe in myself. What bullshit. I believe in myself, but my legs do not. My big ass literally couldn’t do it. It wasn’t my head, it was my physical ability. Anyhow, her comment got into my head and annoyed me.
I brought all of this up to Kevin last night. As we laid in bed he went through a myriad of scenarios surrounding “which would you rather”. One was would you rather be at your goal weight or be a really good runner. I chose good runner (but only because I would be a better runner the thinner I was.) Another was would I rather be 100 pounds heavier and be a fantastic runner or be at goal and be a shitty runner. I chose 100 pounds heavier, but let’s be honest – Kevin totally called my bluff and told me to go to sleep because I was delirious. True story.
But seriously, I hate running. Are there any other runners that hate running?