Hardwired Crazy

I met with the counselor and he is such a gem. He basically said my kinda crazy is hard wiring and not issue related. He suggested I see a MD and get on something. My PCP gave me Wellbutrin SR 8 months ago for my crazy, but I talked myself out of taking it. I started it yesterday. Unfortunately, I’m still in a bit of a funk but I’m working through it.

Photobucket I am 100% owning this picture. Huge hips, goofy thumbs up (apparently this is how I run), all of it. I look terrible, but I don’t care. I’m proud of this picture. I am proud of me. The girl I was when I weighed 325lbs didn’t do triathlons – hell, she didn’t even try. The woman i am now is an athlete, a triathlete, a woman that gets up and trains when she doesn’t want to, a woman that pushes her body to the limits and then some, a proud woman. I could look at this picture and choose to focus on my hips (and don’t get me wrong – that was the first thing I noticed and fixated on when I saw it) but now I am choosing to focus on the fact that I can sort of see my collar bones, I have a slight smile on my face, my breathing is controlled and I don’t look like I’m 2 steps away from vomiting, my shoes are totally me and I finished my third tri with plans to do five next season.

So now, when I look at this picture I see an athlete; a swimmer; a runner; a cyclist. I see me.

I shaved another 6 minutes off of my time. I finished in 2:08:55. The course was extremely difficult. The race itself seemed a little disorganized. The swim start was not to my liking and the swim to bike transition was just wrong. It was a straight uphill climb – where even the most experienced triathletes commented on it. The bike was insanely hilly. And the running? Well, I just hate running. I am using the off season to really work on my run and build some serious muscle.

Weight wise? I lost 5lbs through September and I’m still working towards seeing 199 for New Years Eve. Slow and steady…

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4 thoughts on “Hardwired Crazy

  1. I would be proud of that picture too! I don’t swim well – I float usually with a drink in my hand. Biking and running – love it. If I could get someone to swim for me I would do it. I went back to doc yesterday and went back on my prozac – she thinks that will help me with the hunger issues I am having on my new diet. We have similar goals. I want to see 200 by December 1 not sure if I will make it but will try.

  2. Awesome job! I remember my first triathlon–nothing like just doing one to get the knack for it. You should give yourself a few big pats on the back!

  3. wow.. tears in my eyes reading this. I just started my journey into running. This gives me hope that one day I can do it too. THANK YOU! I think you look amazing!!!!

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