I did it. I reactivated, got myself to spin, and Brooke to their Kid’s ‘s Club. It was a remarkably awful experience. For your user experience I will break this into two parts: daycare and spin.
Part 1: Daycare. So, I get there and Brooke is out cold. Great. I’ll throw her in the Kid’s Club and let her snooze in her carrier for hopefully all of spin. If not, no biggie.
It takes LA Fitness 20 minutes to figure out how to hook up my Kid’s Club access. Which, beeteedubs, is NOT included in their monthly fees. Nowhere on their website is any information regarding additional fees for using the Kid’s Club. It’s an extra $15 a month on top of their already increased multi gym pass of $39.95/month. So, now it’s $55 a month. Anyhow, I digress. I don’t want to commit to the $15/month quite yet so I ask for a day pass that’s $5. I don’t have a $5 and they won’t give change so I end up giving them a $10 and getting two day passes, I’m highly annoyed by this point and it should have been an omen.
They take all of my account info and then have to take a picture of Brooke. Who’s still asleep. In her carrier. They have me hold this 40lbs carrier practically above my head so their web cam can try and snap a pic. We get all set up and then the manager tells the woman doing it that she can’t on that computer DESPITE STANDING THERE THE ENTIRE TIME. So, we have to repeat on his computer. Picture and all.
I see a small asian girl, maybe 19 years old dart into the Kid’s Club, clearly running late. It’s suppose to open at 9am and it’s now 9:10am. Brooke is still out cold. I tell the girl that Brooke is fine to sleep in her carrier (I know, sanctimommy. I’m mothering all wrong, but I refuse to wake a sleeping Monster.). I also tell the girl that when she wakes up just take her out of the carrier and let her chill in one of the infant swings. She acknowledges everything and says not a problem. I go to spin feeling great and confident. I wonder if Brooke will be the only kid there or if other’s will join her.
*Insert Spin Class*
I’m cooling down from spin and my phone rings. This interaction ensues.
Her: Hi. Is this Mrs. Sanders?
Me: Yes, it is.
Her: Yeah, this is the Kid’s Club. Your baby won’t stop crying.
Me: Excuse me?
Her: Your baby. She’s crying. And won’t stop. Can you come get her?
Me: I’ll be right there.
I hang up and go into the Kid’s Club. Brooke is not the only kid. I see the girl working in there pushing another baby in a stroller frantically with no understanding of how babies work. She’s got a desperate tone to her “Peek a Boo” that is going right over the 2 month old’s head. I also see maybe either 2 year olds running a muck. Brooke is still in her carrier and screaming.
I look at her and say, “I told you to take her out when she woke up.”
She replied with, “Yeahhhh…No.” and did the heavy shoulder shrug with a resting bitch face smile and smug “I don’t give a fuck about you, your baby or anything you’re saying. I make $7 an hour and hope you die in your sleep.” look about her.
I ask her how long Brooke has been crying for and she tells me that she only started crying when the other baby did – but for like 15 minutes. I literally just put the binky in Brooke’s mouth and she’s totally silent. The girl looks at me and says, “Ohhh…do you want to go workout some more?”
“Nope. I’m good. Thanks though.” I take Brooke and we leave.
So, to sum up my LA Fitness Childcare experience, I just have a big ol bag of nopes. I’ll be figuring something else out for childcare while I workout.
Spin Class: I forgot how effing hard spin class is. Holy crap I forgot. So, I walked in like a boss. I felt so confident and good. I remembered my seat height and handle height (G-3). I clipped in and started to warm up a little.
I quickly noticed how lose my cleats were, but there was nothing I could do. They just squeaked and wiggled a little. Oh well. The instructor came in and she was 6′ and 100lbs soaking wet. That always bodes well on the pysche. The class starts and my stream of consciousness goes like this for most of the class:
Ok. I got this. A 10 on the gear. Easy peasy. I used to peak at 19. Boss style. Holy shit. A 10 on the gear? This is insane. This must be a different bike. This is impossible. Oh god. My vagina. It’s broken. How is it broken already? We just started. It’s okay. We’ll do some standing sprints in a minute. Just make it through the song. OHMYGOD MY VAG IS GOING TO FALL OFF. Ok. 15 minutes in. Time to make a deal, self. Let’s just get to 30 minutes. Maybe Monster needs you. She probably does. I think my foot is asleep. I clearly put my cleats on too tight. I cannot feel my fat foot but guess what I can feel? MY BROKEN VAG. Oh thank god – standing sprints. An 18? Yeah. No. That’s not happening. Keep my RPMs above 60? Ok. I’ma just go ahead and drop this gear to an 8 and then I can stay above 60. At least I’m doing part of the it, right? Alright. You’ve made it to 30 minutes, you might as well do 45. No one has called you to go get a Monster. You’ve got this. What’s Jillian Michaels say? Uncomfortable is where change happens. I might puke. Shit. I really was a boss in my prime. Wait. Is she playing Let It Go from Frozen? What is happening? I need to find a hip hop spin class like the videos I see on Facebook. I’d do well there. Like a Jiggle It Spin class. HEY! 52 minutes!! Well, you might as well finish now. You know who finishes spin classes? Boss ass bitches that don’t take no shit. Look at me – setting good examples for Monster. One more song. I’m gonna just finish this class standing…